Just Ask Earl

A: Magnets on a picture tube are like duct tape on a hairy arm. You can get them off, but the pain never quite goes away. What your problem is, is that you've gots a residual magnetic field permanently distortionizing the electron acceleromenator. But how could that be, you might say, when the magnet has been moved far, far away from the TV set? Well, and you're not gonna believe this, but it's the Earth's own magnetic field that resonates with the spots on the picture tube, reinforcing the distortionality with every electron that passes through those spots on your TV set! Is that a kicker, or what? Anyways, there's nothing you can do to change the Earth's magnetic field, but you can change how the Earth's magnetic field affects your TV set. You know how a compass needle moves around as you travel all over the place? Sometimes it points left, sometimes it points right, sometimes it points straight ahead. But did you know that, no matter where you're at, it always points North? Bet ya didn't know that, did ya? Well, your TV set, now that it's been magnetized, is the same way. Moving the TV set around will make the spots move around. And the good news is that if you move to the North Pole, the spot will go away completely! I know it's a drastic step to take, but it's well worth it to be able to watch TV. You might need to take an extra big set of rabbit ears, though. If you do move to the North Pole, be sure to tell the Edmundsons "Hi." (They had the same problem with their TV set.) And remember, if you need any more help, just give me a call!

A: True enough, I'm a Successful Internet Mogul Supreme Deluxe. But fact is, I'm just one big lucky guy. I'm not sure what I did right, and I'm no better'n anybody else, so it's kinda hard for me to give you any quick'n'dirty formula for success. I'll tell you what, though, things really started going real good when I got me a motto for my business. I used to call myself "Early Earl." (Get it? It's a palindrome!) It was catchy, and it gave my customers the impression that I'm dependable! (I had to quit using it, though, cause I'm always late everywhere I go.)

A: I'm gobsmacked-in-the-head speechless! I'm honored to be a part of your noble effort to bring TV AutoDiagnostication to the noble savages. I'll do anything to help, and I'm proud to be considered as part of the Massive TV Repair Industry. I may even be the most massive part! (Hyuck!) By the way -- what's HDTV stand for?